Cellar Door

Chiang Mai to Hong Kong culture shock in the 5 hours I’ve been here is as follows:

• Pedestrians do not have the right of way. This means I can no longer run 20 feet in front of a full-speed automobile and expect it to come to a screeching halt.
• Toilet paper goes in the bowl.
• It’s xie-xie, not khop-khun-kaa.
• The hot pot place we went to for dinner was serving testicles of the ox, goose, and chicken variety.
• FRIGIDFREEZINGARCTICCOLD. I have goosebumps for the first time in 10 weeks.

Ah, home sweet home.

The most romantic night of my life involved—

• a magic dress
• Germans, lots of them
• three entirely too drunk friends
• a 9 year age difference
• one and a half cocktails
• the winning of a bet
• the beach, the moon, the stars
• a 4 hour conversation about politics, religion, & other things your mom tells you not to discuss in polite company
• zero lip action

and I can’t even pretend to be surprised.

In exactly 16 weeks I’ll be singing in Carnegie fucking Hall with Eric fucking Whitacre.  Tell me, when did life get so surreal?

I’ve been so horrible about journaling here.  Let’s amend that, shall we?

thegoodday:

In France and Germany, children open their presents on Christmas eve, while in the Netherlands the children open their presents on December 5th, in celebration of St. Nicholas Day.  It sounded sort of quaint until I spoke to a man named Oscar who filled me in on a few of the details.  Unlike the jolly, obese, American Santa, St. Nicholas is painfully thin and dresses not unlike the pope topping his robes with a tall hat resembling an embroidered tea cozy.  The outfit, I was told, was a carry over from his former career when he served as the bishop of Turkey.  ”I’m sorry,” I said, “but could you repeat that?”  One doesn’t want to be too much of a cultural chauvinist, but this seemed completely wrong to me.  For starters, Santa didn’t use to do anything, he’s not retired and more importantly has nothing to do with Turkey; it’s too dangerous there and the people wouldn’t appreciate him….

David Sedaris- Six to Eight Black Men (Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim)

#relevant

A few days ago I was very sneaky and stole my German and Dutch friends’ shoes, filled them with candy, and put them at their bedsides.  I don’t have a white horse or 6-8 little black helpers, but all in all I think I made a damn good Niklaus.

Also, I asked one of my Dutch friends about the 6-8 black men and here’s the real scoop: they’re not black, their skin is just covered in soot from popping up and down the chimneys of every child in Holland.  Not surprisingly, the fact that these little Dutch Christmas helpers go about in blackface really doesn’t make me feel any better.

thedailywhat:

This Is All Kinds Of Wrong of the Day: Joe W. Gordon, a 54-year-old Thai-born American citizen, was sentenced to serve two-and-a-half years in a Thai prison for the crime of insulting the monarchy (lese majeste).

Gordon, who goes by Lerpong Wichaicommart in Thailand, is a former car salesman who spent 30 years in the states before returning to his homeland in May to seek treatment for a number of ailments.

The Bangkok criminal court took offense to postings on his blog, which featured translations and links to Paul M. Handley’s The King Never Smiles — a banned unauthorized biography of the country’s monarch, Bhumibol Adulyadej, which claims the king’s consolidation of royal power has been a major obstacle for democratic progress in Thailand.

Gordon had his sentence reduced from five years after pleading guilty to writing entries, which were apparently posted some time ago from his home in Colorado.

His punishment could have been much worse: A 61-year-old was sentenced to 20 years just last month for the very same crime.

The American Embassy has condemned Gordon’s jailing, calling it a harsh violation of free speech.

Gordon, who told reporters he was “proud to be an American citizen,” was asked if he intends to stick around after he serves his time. “I would like to stay and see some positive Thailand,” he said. “I want to see the real, amazing Thailand, not the messy Thailand.”

[cnn / atlantic / latimes / time.]

You actually have to be really careful about this here.  On the flip side, if you just smile and say nice things about the king, you are adored and get lots of discounts.  I’m not saying it’s right, but I’m not complaining either.

Doi Suthep, Chiang Rai, Mae Sai, Siem Reap, Angkor, Ko Tao, Ko Samui, Luang Prabang, Hong Kong, Guangzhou, Nanning, Hanoi, Halong Bay…making plans is hard.

Today was one of those days where I felt incredibly and impossibly alive.  My fingertips tingled with sparks of sunlight, the air whispered secrets to my skin, and each breath I took felt full with the ceaseless, undulating harmonies of the universe. 

It seems impossible that I’ve been here for a week and already have so many stories to tell.  In short, though, I’ve eaten my weight in curry, learned that teaching is probably one of the most gratifying things in the world, and spent every single night blissfully lost in the city streets.  Everything’s become rather hard to put into words, so I’ll just leave it at that.

And now, off to Pai for the weekend!